Twilight Lawns plc


One of Our Old Girls of Twilight Lawns plc

Beryl Makeshift-Pugh

1911 – 2007



Beryl, whose spirited, if careless,

Festival of Light Tableaux  

resulted in the fire that gutted the West Wing

(and also precipitated her somewhat overdue demise)


In Memory of Dear Beryl whose Aim was

to Lighten our Lives.  

This photograph was taken in Happier Days when she first became obsessed with being the Festival of Light Fairy



In the event of a fire, it is important to follow the rules as laid down in the Book of Rules regarding Fire Drill.  There is a sand bucket and pail of water on each floor. Running around crying and waving one’s arms in the air, rather than dowsing Dear Beryl with water may have prevented the complete West Wing and the Queen Alexandra annexe from being demolished in the ensuing fire.


Beryl’s room in the Princess May of Teck wing, with lovely views of the Kitchen Garden will be available after decoration is complete.






Twilight Lawns

It comes to us all eventually

the incontinence, the flatulence, the inability to remember from one day to another whether one has two lilac cardigans or three; whether Old Dolly Passmore still lives in Albemarle Terrace or is where she belongs, pushing up daisies in some bleak and lonely graveyard somewhere.  


Take the bull by the horns while you still have the mental capacity to do so, and sign up for the very few last days of your miserable and solitary life, and become a resident of Twilight Lawns plc.  If you don’t act quickly, those greedy nieces and nephews of yours will have everything you have as quickly and as surely as the Grim Reaper can cut a swathe through a pension queue on a Tuesday morning.


Certain conditions apply, naturally:  There will be a sympathetic vetting process to make sure no Riff Raff and other undesirables take up residence.


Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Matron)

CC Beryl in Candles

‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’


‘Whatever Happened to Lettice Rogers-Allbody’


Ian Dorking-Clark

Now available on Kindle, eBook, etc.

See on line & at all reputable eBook sellers

Click on the name below

Twilight Eagle

Under Royal Patronage

residential home for distressed gentlefolk


twilight Claremont Rose and Florence Twilight Nurse Smythe 2


Twilight Lawns plc


A little Paradise on Earth

Where old standards of Care are never forgotten.

The soothing hand,

The gracious smile.


Twilight Lawns, where everyone knows one's place



One of our more permanent fixtures:  

No one seems to know where this individual comes from.  As far as we know, he is not a member of Staff, but appears to be quite content to spend his days in the old tool shed.  It is possible that he wandered in by himself, or was left by some day trippers.

Any information concerning this person would be most appreciated.  If one should recognise him, please notify any member of Staff

(not Sharon).

Rose and Florence...

or are they Florence and Rose?

Two of the liveliest Residents of Twilight Lawns.

See how comfortable they look in their tailor made apartment on the First Floor of the

Princess May of Teck wing.  

You too could live in this degree of opulence...

Sign up today.

Dear Relatives, Friends, Visitors and Residents,


If you have enjoyed visiting Twilight Lawns plc, but would like to know a little more about us, one has pleasure in announcing that Maude, our Dear Maude, has compiled a series of anecdotes, tales and minor histories concerning our beloved Home.

Clever Maude, with the assistance of Raj and his computer, and also having access to the filing cabinet in Nurse Smythe’s Office, has put together what these modern technology chaps call a Kindle, or eBook.  

(Heavens what bizarre words they use nowadays)

This is not, one must hasten to add, a real book, with real paper and bound in real, genuine Morocco leather, but one must move with the times one supposes.

This Kindle business is available on line (whatever that should mean) under the title of ‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’ by Ian Dorking-Clark,

(This is either a nom de plume employed by Maude and Raj or is an actual resident, one of our more literary old gentlemen, currently residing in the Lord Kitchener Wing.


Your obedient servant,


Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Matron)

The above is an advertisement for Dulcie cards.  

All names & addresses are purely fictional; any similarities between persons, living or dead are coincidental & the product of a deranged mind..