A Timely Warning
A disturbing little tale concerning one of our more elderly Residents: Mr Jack Lincoln-Palmistry (See relevant photograph above), Poet Laureate (Retired) formerly of Little-Halstead-in-the-Marsh.
Dear old Jumbled Jack, as we have come to know him, had experienced what he thought to have been an Epiphany or some such nonsense. He had received some photographs through the post that had been part of the estate of a defunct aunt. One of the photographs (see above) showed Jumbled Jack in what could only be described as a “sensitive pose”. The old chap was seen looking down at some object “out of frame”. To all intents and purposes, it reminded our Nurse Smythe of any number of Residents, who, suffering from severe constipation have had recourse to partake of an infusion of senna pods. Nurse Smythe’s Senna Pod Tea is famed through the Home Counties for its efficacy.
Dear Mr Lincoln-Palmistry, however, was adamant that the photograph had been taken when the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to him and showed him her newly arrived Baby Jesus. In fact, he entitled the photograph: “Looking down at the infant in the manger”. (Note the lack of the appropriate capitalisation of a key word.)
One feels that “Jumbled Jack was merely trying to jump on the bandwagon, and gain some form of religious regard similar to that surrounding our Dear Archbishop Setrag.
However, Francis, Anglican Bishop of Crawley commented that, when he had been to Italy in the Summer, he had been privileged, when visiting Turin, to be shown the Turin Shroud. He stated that he thought the similarity between the photograph of Mr Lincoln-Palmistry and that Holy Relic, were remarkable if not unique. So rather than throw the “Baby out with the Bathwater”, it was agreed that Jumbled Jack would be permitted to claim fame to having a very reasonable religious artefact, similar to the Turin Shroud, although his relic having been obtained by a more modern piece of photographic equipment.
Beware of such confusion that may arise from such.
Sister Mary Perpetua of the Little Sisters of Selective Charity recalls a most unpleasant novice when she was much younger, who, on a regular basis maintained she was experiencing visitations from any number of Saints. Suspicions were aroused when the Sister Superior at that particular convent noted that they were all male Saints. The dirty little slut had entertained half the local male population in her cell. She was not dismissed, however. She had a strong back, and wasn’t very bright, so the Sister Superior packed her off to a convent in Malawi where she seems to have settled in quite nicely. Her “visitations” apparently, seem to have dwindled somewhat as she has reached a more advanced age.
Tapered off, but not ceased.