An Art Appreciation Society for the delectation of the more discerning Residents.
It has come to my notice that some of our more mobile residents have lately been seen absconding (or strolling, as they would have it) down to the ‘Ferret and Sprout’ for extra-curricular libations, over and above our own generous pre-dinner sherry ration.
Sadly, such unilateral freedom to interpret the rules of Twilight Lawns as one wishes must cease immediately. This is hardly the place for democracy and, for the good of the Twilight Lawns reputation as an upstanding residence of ... well, upstanding ... (as opposed to lying face down in the gutter), I am unanimous in grounding certain residents. They know who they are (don’t you, Dolores Handcock-Vibes and Bertie Grebe-Warbling?).
Therefore, in an effort to provide entertainment of a more uplifting and acceptably Posh nature, I have been fortunate enough to persuade Miss Lettice Rogers-Allbody, DIPSO, ASBO, RAC and Bar, to lead us in a little Art Appreciation Class (hopefully, leaving out the rude bits) on a Tuesday afternoon, weather permitting.
Once we all have a basic grounding in what to look for our aim is to have a jolly trip to St. Ives, which is in Cornwall, I believe, to track down some art to appreciate. St Ives, as some of you who have slightly Left of Centre tendencies will no doubt already know, is the haunt of artists and other such quaint Bohemians.
Those of us who wish to go will be travelling in our new charabanc (or ... Mini-Bus ... as I understand it is now called by the Windsors) capably driven by our own dear Raj. Those of us who will not be going will be confined to barracks and Mrs Orme-Wilde has kindly volunteered to put in her best teeth and see that this rule is adhered to by our more wayward nonagenarians.
Major General Gropes-fforbeson - CBA - has kindly volunteered to escort us all wearing his best moustache, though he would like a little time to himself to rub any brasses he may encounter during such duties. He will, of course, require complete privacy for this following the unfortunate incident with the chambermaid at the ‘Goat and Clack’ and the Balding on Sea’s Liberal Campanologists Society.
All wishing to attend Miss Lettice Rogers-Allbody’s inaugural lecture on ‘A Rebuttal against the Unfortunate Need for Nudity in Art’ at 2 p.m. in the Queen Alexandra Day Drawing Room and Recreation Area – (As we would like to have photographic evidence of our first meeting, there will be a group photo. Consequently, those not wearing their teeth will not be admitted - standards to be upheld at all times, please).
Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Matron)
By the way, this is my favourite picture of Dear Raj, all those who vote for it in the 'Great Art of the Western World' competition will get an extra serving of Cook's Special Bread and Butter Pudding with Marmalade