Twilight Lawns plc

Notices: Hobbies & Clubs

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The Inaugural Talk to the Twilight Lawns Art Appreciation Society.


My inaugural talk, ‘A Rebuttal Against the Unfortunate Need for Nudity in Art’ to the newly formed Art Appreciation Society seemed to be exceptionally well attended, though I think next time we should leave medication until after any future talks as it will be easier to assess how many are there through choice and not, as it were, an inability to move due to tranquilisation.


I think the ladies in particular were most taken with my slides of bluebell woods and thatched cottages and I would like in particular to thank Lady Lavinia Grosmont-Beardsley for her cogent, enlightening and above all, loud, remarks, though I would be most grateful if she could, in future talks, try and restrain herself from airing her knowledge until the appropriate final discussion time. I do find it difficult to keep my thread, as it were, when someone is heckling. Perhaps her talents may be better suited to the ikebana class so that she may delight us all with her artistic endeavours with daffodil and twig?


I felt there could have been a little more interaction during the Q & A time at the end but it was heartening to see the spirited show the Major put up in defence of Nudity in Art, though he of course would be the first to admit he knows almost nothing about True Art.

It was most unfortunate that such an intense bout of double incontinence should cut short his detailed explanation as to why there should be more rather than less nudity in Art. Thanks should be given to our own dear Sharon who came to his rescue in a timely way and helped him and his cushion down to the bathroom to be attended to, though I feel the scolding was a little harsh. However I must say that I very much appreciated the Major’s passion on the subject of Nudity in Art as it made for a much more balanced discussion despite his being so misguided and I do hope Hermione Buff-Orpington has now fully recovered from her faint.


All in all I am gratified that the talk seemed so well received and I intend to submit a schedule of our projected trip to St Ives in Cornwall to Matron for approval before attaching it to this noticeboard for your perusal and signatures for inclusion on the trip. Does anyone have any idea how I can discover the whereabouts of all public conveniences en route?


Lettice Rogers-Allbody, DIPSO, ASBO, MRSA, RAC and bar.


Addendum: I think we were all disappointed that Matron could not stay to hear all of the talk, being called away as she was to sort out that alarming business in the potting shed. I do hope the Vicar has recovered and that there will be no permanent damage to the resident’s laundry. Hopefully however she will be able to be there for my next talk, ‘The Selective Deafness of Vincent Van Goch and How to Pronounce his Name like a Native’ which I intend to give on the third Tuesday of next month at the same time. I will of course put a reminder on the notice board as none of us can trust our memory’s these days, can we?

A brief Letter of Thanks and Greetingss in the Name of Art


Lettice Rogers-Allbody, DIPSO, ASBO, MRSA, RAC and bar.

The above is an advertisement for Dulcie cards.  

All names & addresses are purely fictional; any similarities between persons, living or dead are coincidental & the product of a deranged mind.

Beautiful Thoughts

for Today



What a wonderful sight, on a Spring morning.

The girls of the Princess May of Teck Annexe, constipated to the gills; their grey, wrinkled arses hanging over the balustrades.

Raj throws two Pound Shop ashtrays, in a long, sweeping curve in the sparking sunlight.

Crash! A score of pellets of hard poo, discharged from those elderly arses, and the ashtrays explode in a myriad shards. Clay pigeon shooting was never as beautiful as this.

Lettice R-A

Classical Frieze