And why, may you ask, has this exposé appeared on the Twilight Lawns plc site?
Boudicca, and the rest of the immediate offspring of Celia, contacted Dr Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh, and asked if he could persuade the powers that be (his sister, Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh) to permit Celia to take up residence at Twilight Lawns for a period of rehabilitation and convalescence, following her harrowing ordeal Dr P-F is a well known authority on the Barking Mad, his particular field of excellence, and it was thought that he would be interested in Celia’s case.
Unfortunately, Dr P-F is still out of the country due to a little misunderstanding with Surrey Police, and was unable to help.
Matron (Mrs Hilda P-F) was then asked directly by “Boudicca”, and due to another misunderstanding, allowed Celia to be admitted. (For some reason, Matron assumed that Celia had some connections with a county family living in Norfolk. She was conversing with “Boudicca” by telephone, and having asked Boudicca about certain documents proving decent class etc., she had misheard when Celia’s daughter had said, “I’m sending ‘em,” she thought she had said, “Sandringham”.
Obviously, as soon as the staff, from Nurse Smythe, down to Sharon, saw Celia they realised that a serious error had been made, but as Boudicca and family had “put up” quite a substantial amount of money for the care of their dear sweet parent, all the usual requirements of decent class, hyphenation and old money were brushed aside.
As Dr P-F is still out of the country (and likely to remain so for some time), Celia is not receiving any treatment. She is still convinced, however, that she is the owner of a small holding, so we have given her the jobs at Twilight Lawns at which even Sharon would have turned up her nose.
She mucks out the barn, clears up after Raj’s Black Orpington hens, cleans Betty’s bottom when it gets "clagged up" (or her "dags" as our quaint little New Zealander friends would have it), and is responsible for collecting the eggs, picking up the windfalls and other general “farmyard duties”.
Frankly, she doesn’t know the difference between a Cox’s apple and a new laid egg; she has more than once mistaken Mrs Prendergast (Ghastly Prendy) for Betty the Sheep. But she seems to be happy enough in her work, and doesn’t eat too much, so all in all, it’s a good arrangement.