In reply to the kind person who made enquiries concerning the main building and the Blue Plaque near the rear entrance lavatory, bearing the legend: Sarah’s Folly
For a small fee, one may purchase, at the book kiosk by the front door, the pamphlet: entitled, Interesting Architectural Anomalies at Twilight Lawns, Home for Impecunious and Distressed Gentlefolk, Norbury-by-the-Water or Norbury-Super-Mare (its former names). This pamphlet explains a series of Geographical and Topographical inexactitudes that have perplexed us here at Twilight Lawns for many years.
As we recall, when Mr Gunjit Singh of Gunjit Singh & Sons, Landscaping Technicians and Building Contractors, surveyed the West Wing, they had noticed a discrepancy in the perpendicular transept of the south facing wall in relation to the horizontal aspect of the outside privy (reputed to have been used by George III; and later by George IV during his courtship of Mrs Maria Anne Fitzherbert).
The great tragedienne, Mistress Sarah Siddons also travelleed to Norbury-sur-Mer to take the waters and to visit the famous seat.
Sarah’s Folly (or Farter’s Folly as it is known locally), certainly makes a most delicious note when anybody of true flatulent capabilities is temporarily enthroned. One can recall the Open Day and Fête in 1937, when Maude, a much younger lady at that time, regaled the entire assembly with “Land of Hope and Glory”, “God Save the King” and Several Popular Sea Shanties, whilst sitting on the throne in Sarah’s Folly (Farter’s Folly).
What jolly japes the young ladies found to fill their idle hours in those halcyon days. I remember quite clearly that our Dear Maude managed the whole recital, note perfect, without ever hitting a note higher than G above middle C. Sprouts, my dear, good old British Brussels sprouts. The backbone of a Nation. Soon to be tested in a nasty encounter with Mr Hitler and the Hun.
Of course, if Sarah’s Folly had been in place and then an underground system constructed at its feet, no doubt those tunnels would have acted as a magnificent sounding board. This occurred when briefly, during World War II, Twilight Lawns became a haven for Upper Class Personages who had lost their homes in Park Lane and the Surrounding Areas during the Blitz. The catacombs below Farter’s Folly no doubt reverberated through the night if there had been an air raid, to the sounds from Well Bred Upper Class Arses.
However, Maude has held the Laurels till this day… or wore the laurels in that little exercise, and it must not be seen as a denigration of any others, but her flatulent capabilities were enormous; she proved that she could perform so well… and so sonorously.
Your most humble and obedient servant,
‘The Twilight Lawns Chronicles’ by Ian Dorking-Clark
Now available on Kindle, eBook, etc. See on line & at all reputable eBook sellers.
The above is an advertisement for Dulcie cards.
All names & addresses are purely fictional; any similarities between persons, living or dead are coincidental & the product of a deranged mind.
Dear Mrs Fitzherbert: The Poor Dear suffered from constipation from an early age, causing her somewhat pallid appearance. This lead to Society Ladies and the Demimonde emulating this manifestation of inward turgidity. Surely a short stay at Farter's Folly would have alleviated the problem.
Obviously a bit of a girl... but came from a nice family
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