Twilight Lawns plc

A collection of jolly japes, reminiscences, and incidents that have made

our Little Paradise on Earth

that is

Twilight Lawns plc

fun at the lawns


Visitors, residents, family and friends are all asked to contribute any little episode of glee or fun, if the spirit so moves.  

You can either contact us directly through the Internet on our e-mail address at [email protected] or by sending us one of your funny little anecdotes to Charge Nurse Smythe at the Home itself; or perhaps you would be happier with subscribing to the Guestbook page...


However,  if your little story is attached to a donation or a monetary gift, it should be sent directly to:


Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh,

Maison Featheringstonehaugh,

Plantagenet sur la Plage,



As we have been having such nice weather recently, we have decided to let our hair down and have a Fun Day in the pasture behind the Old Recreation Hall and Tennis Courts.


To start the proceedings on a jolly note, our dear Daisy will give a lecture entitled,

"String - One Never Knows When Some Will Come In Handy".

or its alternative title:

"If One Were To Waste Not, One Would Want Not"


Daisy Oulde-Cashe

The Hon. Daisy Oulde-Cashe,

the eldest daughter of Lord Pigge, was born in Bruton Street W1, and was brought up at Chipping Manor in Shropshire.

She married her first cousin, Eldred, Lord Porcine-Trotter, who later became Viceroy of India.  

In her capacity as Vicereine, our Daisy encouraged the native populations of vast tracts of the Sub Continent to collect string on the off chance that it should at some time be useful.  It is said that her efforts managed to keep the British Raj bound together for a few years longer than would have been possible without her guiding hand.


Dear Daisy has been collecting string since the outset of World War II, after completely taking it on board that if one were to waste not, one would want not. Having been brought up in Chipping Manor, Salop, a large country house where food was as plentiful as ever; before, during, and after The War, she found difficulty in doing her part in the War Effort, until she took it upon herself to save string.  The collection and saving of string became a habit, a fixation, and  eventually, a lifelong obsession.  Her collection of string became a byword in Lesser Chippings, a village very close to the village of Greater Chippings, which stands overlooking the pleasant market town of Loose Chippings.


On many an Autumn or Winter evening, the residents at Twilight Lawns have gathered around to listen to Daisy extolling the virtues of flax over cotton; the durability of hemp, the beauty of jute, the various attributes of sisal, abaca and ramie.


And then her pièce de résistance, she would produce a ball of string; a massive monument to her fixation; a veritable cocktail of all her adored fibres; the second largest ball of string in the world; second only to the ball of string belonging to the Sultan of Sisalpore in Bangladesh.


Daisy’s lecture promises to be not only riveting but uplifting; not only inspirational but amusing; but above all, it promises to be truly fascinating. A confection not to be missed.



The above is an advertisement for Dulcie cards.  

All names & addresses are purely fictional; any similarities between persons, living or dead are coincidental & the product of a deranged mind.