Twilight Lawns plc

a dramatic production

By Popular Demand following the astounding success of the dramatic performance offered last Christmas,

the Twilight Lawns Drama Group will be performing, once again,


Queen of the Nile

A play in Two Acts with Tableaux, Lighting Effects and Music performed by the

Twilight Lawns Theatrical Experience,

(Staff and Residents and Others)

Written and directed by

Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh

Performances to take place in early Autumn in the Freshly Refurbished

(following the Fire last year)

Queen Alexandra Day Room and Amenities Area

Our Dear Royal Patron:

H.R.H. Princess Alice of Schleswig-Philistine Von Gotha

und Hans-Knees-und-Bumsen-Daisy Und-So-Weiter

may be able to attend the performance on the final night.

H.R.H. Princess Alice has requested that her favourite hymn,

“Schleswig-Philistine Von Gotha und Hans-Knees-und-Bumsen-Daisy Und-So-Weiter. über Alles”

should be sung when she arrives and departs.

Appropriate hymn sheets will be provided.

We wouldn’t want ourselves to appear to have no manners, would we?

Please try to learn the words.

Please, also remember that if our Dear Royal Personage is to be with us, that behaviour will be expected to be in keeping with a decent Middleclass background (or better) from all.


The usual dress code applies

Comfortable, but elegant.  Ladies are required to wear hats. No jeans; nothing casual. Dress in as Middle Class a manner as possible..

CC Cook Theda Bara 1

Cook in the title role of


Queen of the Nile

Cook - in Civvies

As we see her on a daily basis;

Dear lovable, affable Cook.

Whether on her Harley Davison motor bike, head down, arse up,

in black leather; burning up the M23

 after a day out with the

Guildford Chapter Hell’s Angels;

or creating a tempting dinner in the kitchen;

or taking to the stage.

in the Title role of


Queen of the Nile 


Beryl, Dolly, Millicent and Mr Cornwallis are reminded that there will be no repetition of the disgraceful  dancing in the aisles or silly noises during the Musical Numbers or The Dance of the Vestal Virgins that accompanied the last performance of Cleopatra at Christmastide.


Mrs Parker-Browne is very sensitive about her chronic flatulence and we are very lucky to have her playing the pump organ for our production... it would be a shame to lose her.


Incidental music and sound effects provided by

Mrs. Parker-Browne on her Pump Organ.


A collection will be taken during the interval;

Proceeds to go to Mrs Parker-Browne’s favourite charity;

Saint Judi l'Ines's Hospital, Purley

Saint Judi l'Ines, the Patron Saint of the Chronically Flatulent

Costumes created by the nimble fingers of

the Little Sisters of Selective Charity, Streatham Hill;

under the watchful eye of Sister Mary Perpetua.


Costumes for Raj, Wladyslaw, Czcibor and Józef specially designed by our talented and artistic

Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh.


Scenery created by Nurse Smythe and Mrs Eulalia Hawkins

with admirable help from Józef, Czcibor & Wladyslaw,

The above is an advertisement for Dulcie cards.  

All names & addresses are purely fictional; any similarities between persons, living or dead are coincidental & the product of a deranged mind.