Twilight Lawns plc

Christmas 2016

a refutation


For the attention of Patrons, Visitors, Staff and Residents.


It has come to our notice that a "Christmas Card" has appeared at Twilight Lawns during the last few days.

Apparently, copies of this and similar, have been exchanged by some of the Residents, and also, by the more irresponsible Members of Staff.


Notice is hereby given that if any person is found to have one of these inappropriate publications on his or her person, the consequences will be particularly unpleasant.


Everybody is requested to remember that, at Twilight Lawns, the Old Standards of Good Manners, Good Taste and an observance of True British Upper Class Values must be Paramount and must be Adhered to at all times.

Christmas Cards, as one must know, if one had been brought up correctly, should only contain pictures of The Little Baby Jesus, The Blessed Virgin Mary, Saint Nicholas, Dickensian Characters or Robins in the Snow.


This is not a request, it is an ORDER.

One should have realised that the dreadful business concerning the Referendum and the ridiculous Brexit debacle would lead to nastiness, but one wasn't quite prepared for this sort of thing.


Please note:

As from today (21/12/2016), and until further notice, all Christmas Cards and also Personal Greetings, whether spoken or written, must be cleared for tastefulness by either Nurse Smythe, The Reverend Hugh Halitosis or any Responsible Member of Senior Staff.

Offending articles will be instantly confiscated and punishments will be stringent and instantaneous.


One would like to convey to you

The Compliments of the Season


Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh





One would much prefer a stylish card.

I think you would agree;

Purchased at a chic card shop,

With “Greetings to you from me.”


We all enjoy a Christmas Card

But don’t think one is being funny,

Expensive! but not from nouveau riche,

Only from Old Money.


There’d be Holly on it, Snow and Ice,

A Stable and a Star,

And Foreign Chaps all standing round

Singing, “Tra-la-la-la-la!”


One similar to this very one,

To celebrate the Season.

But Mea Culpa, I quite forgot...

What is this celebration’s reason?




Merry Christmas to all


Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh        





Please note: It may be very distressing for those in our little circle who know the Correct and Acceptable Way to Behave, but one feels that it is one's duty to show how Standards are slipping nowadays. One can only blame Liberal Tendencies, Socialism and allowing the Lower Classes some sort of education. After all, what else could have led to Brexit and all these Foreign Chaps and Poor People milling around?

To see for yourselves, just take the time to look at this following: one of the offending articles.


Press the button below and one has been assured that it will take you to the offending bit of iconoclasty.





It was confiscated from one of the sillier Residents on the Princess May of Teck Wing, The Hon. Hermione Bagshotte-Thring, formerly of Loose Chippings, Little Bagshotte-on-the-Mire, Norfolk.

The Hon. Hermione Bagshotte-Thring, being the relict of Archbishop Clarence Bagshotte-Thring, should have known better. He, being a gentleman of the cloth should have educated the silly woman and shown her the errors of her ways – as her own mother obviously had neglected to press her education in that department.


Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh      

Christmas 2016