For the attention of Patrons, Visitors, Staff and Residents.
It has come to our notice that a "Christmas Card" has appeared at Twilight Lawns during the last few days.
Apparently, copies of this and similar, have been exchanged by some of the Residents, and also, by the more irresponsible Members of Staff.
Notice is hereby given that if any person is found to have one of these inappropriate publications on his or her person, the consequences will be particularly unpleasant.
Everybody is requested to remember that, at Twilight Lawns, the Old Standards of Good Manners, Good Taste and an observance of True British Upper Class Values must be Paramount and must be Adhered to at all times.
Christmas Cards, as one must know, if one had been brought up correctly, should only contain pictures of The Little Baby Jesus, The Blessed Virgin Mary, Saint Nicholas, Dickensian Characters or Robins in the Snow.
This is not a request, it is an ORDER.
One should have realised that the dreadful business concerning the Referendum and the ridiculous Brexit debacle would lead to nastiness, but one wasn't quite prepared for this sort of thing.
As from today (21/12/2016), and until further notice, all Christmas Cards and also Personal Greetings, whether spoken or written, must be cleared for tastefulness by either Nurse Smythe, The Reverend Hugh Halitosis or any Responsible Member of Senior Staff.
Offending articles will be instantly confiscated and punishments will be stringent and instantaneous.
One would like to convey to you
The Compliments of the Season