Residential Home for Distressed Gentlefolk,
Under Royal Patronage to
H.R.H. Princess Alice of Schleswig-Philistine von Gotha und
Donations: Please make cheques payable to:
Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Matron)
Twilight Lawns plc
14th November, 2014
Dear Patrons, Friends, Relatives & Supporters,
One has, once more, the somewhat onerous duty of wishing you all a Happy Christmas and a Joyful New Year (or whatever mawkish sentiments are trotted out around this part of the calendar.
One must admit, most graciously, that one has been far too busy to become as deeply involved in the planning, preparation and execution of the Twilight Lawns Christmas Card as usual.
One’s Life, and the day to day running of it, is far too important to celebrate every little Religious and/or Secular celebration. So having taken the most sensible steps possible, to distance one's self from all this tinsel and bonhomie, one has passed the baton, as one has heard it said, into the more or less capable hands of another.
So the responsibilities for the Twilight lawns Christmas Card extravaganza, this year (2014) has been offered to (and accepted by) Mrs Berengaria Smart-Glossop, one of our more cultured and sophisticated Residents.
As our dear Mrs Berengaria Smart-Glossop, has what can only be described as a Post Modernist attitude to the Arts, one is pleased to inform you, Dear Patrons, Relatives, Friends and Residents, that our lovely and most talented Miss Lettice Rogers-Allbody, Art Instructor and Bohemian Dilettante, who has provided such sterling work and encouragement in the artistic fields at Twilight Lawns plc, has been invited to provide a restraining (and, one hopes, tasteful) hand over this latest Twilight Lawns Christmas masterpiece.
Nurse Smythe has informed me that Mrs Smart-Glossop has some interesting ideas, and has, rather charmingly incorporated a few Family Yuletide Photographs in the production. Apparently her talented little grandson has some interest in photography and has taken some “selfies” (Goodness! What new words one has learned recently. First of all, "Selfies" and then "Gangsta".) and has also persuaded his little friend to pose for one or two of the “Christmassy” pictures.
One hope, and expects, that these contributions will not only be Tasteful, but in the true Festive Mood.
But one is assured that Dear Sweet Mrs Berengaria Smart-Glossop can be relied upon to provide just the right "Tone".
As one will not be at Twilight Lawns this year, having prior (and far more amenable) commitments at one’s residence: Maison Featheringstonehaugh, Plantagenet sur la Plage, Vallauris, one looks forward to receiving a copy of the above creation later on in the year.
The compliments of the season (Whenever they may be)
Mrs Hilda Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh
All of Us
Quentin’s Little Friend
Who’s that comes knocking on my wee small door.
It’s Santa’s little helper, unlike those you’ve seen before.
A Gangsta Snowman here unfolds before your eyes.
But behind that door, I warn, an even greater surprise.
One has had a little peek, and if this is what is meant by "Post Modernist", one feels that one is just a trifle out of touch.
Mrs Berengaria Smart-Glossop, one thinks that in the New Year, a little conference in Matron's study is to be called for.
Just the three of us, Mrs Smart-Glossop. You, me and Miss Rogers-Allbody.
One thinks that a little sorting out is called for.
One has seldom been so disappointed.
Mrs H Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh
And then one opened the card.
How disgraceful. What could Miss Lettice Rogers-Allbody and Mrs Berengaria Smart-Glossop have been thinking about?
One thinks that an apology is called for. One will be instructing one's cousin, Mrs Maude Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh to take matters in hand and to rectify this atrocious insult to decency and good taste before the New Year, if possible.
(Presently in Vallauris, lying on a chaise longue in a darkened room with a cold compress pressed to one’s temples.)